If you have been an active member of other bump boards than you know all too well, there is a lot of drama out there. This is one board that cannot afford to be divided. We all at one time have needed one another, leaned on one another, and supported one another.
Of course emotions run high, we are a group of women going through/having been through a terrible time in our lives and to top it off we have hormones that are completely out of our control. The point being, the last thing we need to do it turn our backs on one another.
There are women here who are aggressive protectors by nature, myself included. At times we are quick to pull the trigger, at the risk of hurting a new poster. Please understand that my comments (I cannot speak for others) come from a place of compassion for others. I have become friends with several of the women here and I will not stand by and let them get hurt. That being said, I certainly do not condone bullying or hurting other well intentioned people.
The problem being, the majority of people who post on this board to ask if they might be miscarrying are not thinking about how that question will make us feel. They are wrapped up in their own fear. As a result many people get their feelings hurt. Because many of us are still grieving it is hard to respond to these post with kindness. I for one will try harder.
Perhaps the best thing to do is ignore these post, post a simple warning (ex: Do not open *** pg mentioned) and notify the moderators, they are awesome. That way if you are not feeling vulnerable go ahead and read the post, respond if you like, but those who are still hurting will be spared.
I really don't know the best way to handle the situation, I would love to hear what others think. What I do know is that pointing fingers and hurting one another serves no purpose.
I wish you all nothing less than love, healing, and hope.
ETA: Jen is currently our only mod, click on her name to report a problem.
Re: A board divided...
VERY well said, sweepie. You rock and hit the nail on the head. This board has such intense emotions that it's easy for things to get out of hand. I will admit that sometimes I am WAY over-sensitive to the world around me, and I just need to take a step back and chill out.
Also, have I been writing 'sweetiepie' out to you in pages/posts? Whoops! I just read your name like that, I guess.
Another blogger! My Life in Transition.
Married 05.27.07
BFP#1 - 07.07.09 | EDD 03.14.10 | Truman Anthony born @38w 03.01.10
BFP#2 - 03.24.11 | EDD 11.29.11 | missed MC found @9w 04.26.11 | D&C @16w 06.13.11
BFP#3 - 09.17.11 | EDD 05.29.12 | It's a girl!!!
My BFP Chart
**my labor buddy is Sweepie412**
~Started TTC 2/09. BFP #1 11/09. EDD 8/7/10. DS born 8/7/10.~
~Surprise BFP #2 5/11 while still BF'ing. Natural M/C @ 7w3d.~
~BFP #3 8/11. EDD 4/24/12. Heavy bleeding episodes from a lost twin. DD born 4/14/12.~
~Started TTC 2/13. BFP #4 3/13. EDD 11/8/13. Hoping for smooth sailing!~
I agree..I get a little crazy too:) I thought she was sweetiepie too...
BFP#1 April 12, 2011, EDD December 24, 2011, strong heart beat at 7w3d, d&c at 10w6d
BFP#2 Oct 24, 2011, natural miscarriage, EDD unknown
After RPL testing my losses and subsequent infertility are considered unexplained.
Cycle #22: Femara, TI, and progesterone = BFP!!
BFP#3 Dec 21, 2012. Beta #1 @14dpo = 134, progesterone 67.8. Beta #2 @ 17dpo = 664! Team green, EDD 9/1/13, healthy baby boy born 9/12/13!
My chart.
Congratulations to the fabulous KGS2003! Her sweet boys are here! Grow boys grow!!!
I forgot something...maybe this is just me. It is like curosity killed the cat but I always read them even if they say not to. And there are always a ton of views on them..so I wonder if I am not alone. I know there is a good probability it will make me feel bad, but I read it anyway..that is all. Just wanted to add.
haha, no worries. It is a nickname that started as a typo from DH
DD born 4/3/10 BFP 4/9/11 missed mc @10w4d- forever loved
BFP 8/21/11 EDD 4/29/12
Agreed!
I also wish The Bump had another board for these types of questions and concerns. When we had our u/s that showed serious issues - baby measuring way behind, low heart rate, I knew that something bad was going on. I couldn't post here because it wasn't confirmed, couldn't post on tri or bmb because they just want to blow a bunch of false hope your way, ttcal is working on making babies and their losses are still painful, and I am sure pgal gets sick of these questions over and over. The three days we had to wait to have our loss confirmed were the worst of my life, worse than the d&c. It would have been helpful to have support.
That said, I agree it's completely inappropriate to post those questions on this board. I am thankful that you ladies protect our fragile hearts - this is the best club I never wanted to join
I usually read them. For me personally, reading about someone else's worry for a loss doesn't bother me. Generally I just feel badly for their fears and they usually just don't know where else to go. Certainly I won't be lurking around in the first tri board and reading those pregnancy posts for fun, but the ladies that accidently post here are just scared.
~Started TTC 2/09. BFP #1 11/09. EDD 8/7/10. DS born 8/7/10.~
~Surprise BFP #2 5/11 while still BF'ing. Natural M/C @ 7w3d.~
~BFP #3 8/11. EDD 4/24/12. Heavy bleeding episodes from a lost twin. DD born 4/14/12.~
~Started TTC 2/13. BFP #4 3/13. EDD 11/8/13. Hoping for smooth sailing!~
I was unfortunate to be labeled "high risk" and spent the length of my pregnancy in there posting all about my worry. Maybe some of these posters could go there...
My pregnancy showed signs of problems starting with the anatomy scan and just continuously got worse. I actually was terrified to click on this particular board until I lost the baby because I didn't want to put any more negative thoughts in my brain, the doctors were doing enough of that. Everyone always told me to be positive, heh, a lotta good that did...
EDD 3/12/2013, natural miscarriage on 7/18/12 @6w2d
EDD 8/01/2013, D&C scheduled for 12/31/12 @9w4d
Great post.
I am sharp tongued and short tempered by nature. Being a Marine dosn't help. My natural instinct is to protect and (for lack of a better term) sacrifice. I got somewhat attacked yesterday for posting a "warning, do not open" post and thought it made me more angry and a little upset, military service made it second nature to just let the water roll off the duck's back and continue on with my day, not another thought about it.
If I have offended someone by my posts, I apologize. However, please understand that I would rather be hated by a few individuals (like the troll from yesterday) then to have other women on this board get hurt.
Oohrah!
Semper Fi! - A proud female Marine
I thank those who do protect us!! Healthy Healing ladies!!!
"The truth IS that the days will be filled with an unending ache and the nights will feel one million sad years long for a while. Healing is attained only after the slow necessary progression through the stages of grief and mourning."
I was a pretty active member of the high risk board during my first pregnancy. Most of the women there have GD, or are on bed rest for Pre-e or pre-term labor. I don't think that a woman going through a threatened miscarriage would get a lot of support there unfortunately.
I know I had about 3 weeks with this pregnancy where I just didn't post anywhere because I didn't belong. I lurk enough to know this wasn't the place to post, but this was the only board I related to at all. I knew my pregnancy was going badly, but nothing was confirmed. I wish there had been a place to post. The waiting part was torture. I felt very alone. I understand why these posters end up here. There should be a board for that situation.
ETA: I totally agree with the purpose of this post and everything that has been said though. I wasn't sure my response read that way.
Owen Matthew 11/1/2009 4lbs 10oz 16.5in
Born 5 weeks early by C/S | Severe Pre-Eclampsia
BFP #2 5/1/2011 | M/C @ 7 weeks | D&C 5/25/2011
TTC #2 | HSG Clear | SA 2% Morph otherwise great
3 failed Femara/TI cycles moving on to IUI
Very well said!! I think those who wonder about m/c come here obviously because we have the experience and those on the tri boards don't even want to think about m/c let alone someone discuss it. Those that are in limbo for the first time don't know what this board is about and don't deserve to be jumped on. More than likely they will be members on this board and one day our friend. In no way am I saying that we should let trolls march all over us.
Thank you again for saying and reminding us how great this board is!
12.6.07 CP at 5w
5.21.08 BO discovered at 7w, D&E at 8w3d
8.31.08 CP at 4w5d
BFP Sept 25, 2008 bfp buddy lkstor Landon born June 6, 2009
3.25.11 missed m/c discovered at 9w6d, D&E at 10w2d
4.28.11 MTHFR a1298c homozygous discovered
4.2011 Began NaProTechnology
10.12.11 Diagnosed with Type III Luteal Phase Defect
10.2011 Starting hcg injections on 5, 7 & 9 dpo
BFP 12.7.11 - EDD 8.14.12 - IT'S A BOY! Fruit Baby
Life During and After RPL